Star Shaped

After work yesterday I went to the grocery store and picked up three items; beer, pizza, and ice cream, just because I can. I can come home, eat what I want, drink what I want, watch what I want on television and listen to whatever music I want. Yesterday felt like a pizza, beer, and ice cream day to me, a day to celebrate the fact that I can do things on my own again, that I can do what I want.

I’m considering taking at least one evening a month to spend by myself like this, eating bad food, watching DVDs, relaxing and knowing I can do things on my own. Obviously I prefer the company of others and love to have plans and love to go out, but sometimes, it’s nice to be able to come home and enjoy being alone.

Life is still good. I am still so very happy. My life’s not perfect, not at all, but I’m enjoying things and enjoying where things are going.

I’m sitting in my new apartment right now, my stuff strewn every which way, sweaty and tired. For the first time ever, I’m living alone. The space I’m sitting in right now is 100% mine and I can do what I want with it. This boggles my mind. I don’t know how to arrange my stuff; I’m missing crucial items such as a kitchen table and a microwave, but I figure I’ll accumulate these things in time.

Starting over is strange. Today I went to the grocery store and bought things I already had, things like aluminum foil and sandwich bags and olive oil and rice. It’s weird that I need to accumulate these things again. I have so much stuff I need to buy. I need trash cans and lamps and light bulbs to go in the lamps. I’ll have to purchase these things little by little, but eventually I’ll have what I need for this place. It’s just strange today, looking at my things, knowing that this place is mine.

In other new, this weekend I drove a U-Haul, drank beer from a can, attended a tattoo parlor birthday party, and got really, really sunburned. Not to mention I enjoyed an awesome dinner at my favorite Chinese place with a few friends of mine who helped me move. Liz, Gabe, and Josh, you guys rock. Things are good.

I had a relatively eventful weekend.

First and foremost, I’m pretty sure I have an apartment! I’m going to be moving back to the complex I lived in before we bought the house. I’m shocked they had a place open so soon; my move in date is June 28th. Yeah, this Saturday. So I’ll probably be hauling my stuff back over to South Bend in a rental truck this weekend. Weird. Can’t believe I’ll be moving again so soon. I just need to call the complex tomorrow and double check that the place will be mine, and I’ll be good to go. I’m excited to be living closer to work and back in South Bend!

Yesterday, I randomly made a trip to Cincinnati to pick up my housemate. Yeah, the Cincinnati in Ohio. Well, technically I didn’t have to drive all the way into the city, but still. 4 hours there, 4 hours back. I returned to South Bend at 2:30am and still went to work the next morning. I went to pick up my housemate whose poor car ended up dying on her drive back from Tennessee. I’m surprised I’m still awake right now, actually.

I hung out with some cool people this weekend. I knit, I talked, I had a good time. I actually pretty much finished my tank top! I just need to seam up the sides. I may wait until I move to my new place and have all my stuff unpacked before I attempt blocking the top before I seam it. I can’t find any of my pins and I’ll need them for the blocking process. So I’m happy about that.

I’ve gotten a lot accomplished the past few days. I’m pretty happy. It will be strange, living on my own again; I’ve never lived by myself in an apartment before, so I’m curious as to how it will go. I’m hoping it will go fairly well; it will be an adjustment, but an adjustment I need. I think I need to know how to live on my own so I can experience it just once in my life.

It is strange to me sometimes that I’m getting a place of my own, going back to an apartment, after owning a home for two years with my husband. Just thinking about what last summer was like compared to what this one has been so far has been strange as well. I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made.

Today I switched back to using my maiden name on a few accounts (my IM programs, Gmail account, and Facebook). It’s weird seeing my old name, the name I had for the first 24 years of my life, in writing. I’m so used to being Aubrey B that it’s strange going back to Aubrey S. (Not to mention that googling my first and married name brings up this page, but my first and maiden name does not.) I figured that now’s the time to go back to my original name, as the divorce is in full swing and I don’t feel a connection to my soon to be ex-husband’s last name any longer. I’d rather go back to my family name. I’ll be changing my name formally once the divorce is final, but it’s nice to be going back to my maiden name on a few things.

My weekend was good. Today has been mainly good. Sometimes I am emotional but in general, things are good. I’m happy where things are going.

Little by little, I’m answering all the questions that were asked of me two months ago. Two! This next set of questions comes from Carol, a friend of mine from one of my local knitting groups. If you’d like to ask me questions, feel free to leave some in the comments of my Questions entry.

(Also, if you are reading this entry through my Livejournal syndicated feed, please leave comments on Star Shaped instead of through Livejournal. Since there isn’t an email address associated with syndicated accounts, I never know when people leave me comments, and also the entries disappear after awhile so I may never see your comment if you leave me one there. Thanks!)

1. How do you picture yourself, your life, in 10 years?
This question comes at an opportune time in my life, as my life’s completely up in the air at this point, and I can honestly write where I want to be. In 10 years I will be 37. I’m hoping to live somewhere in New England, maybe in Boston or another city, working a job I love, doing things that keep me active, just living life and traveling and creating things. I don’t know if I will have children, I don’t know if I’ll be married again or in another relationship; I would ideally like to at least be in another relationship 10 years from now with someone who shares the same passion for life as myself.

I pretty much see myself doing what I’m doing now, only ten years older. I can’t really predict what my life will be like then; 10 years ago, when I was 17, I never thought I’d be living in Indiana. When I was 17, I never thought I’d end up getting married, much less divorced. So I never really try to plan much for my future. I never like really knowing where I’ll end up. The journey is half the fun.

2. What is your favorite place to eat out in your area?
Since I still consider myself a South Bend resident, I’ll be picking out my favorites from that area instead of here. I don’t know many Elkhart restaurants yet, and since I’m planning on moving again within the next couple months, I probably won’t have the opportunity to try a lot of places out.

In general, South Bend’s restaurants are… okay. Nothing spectacular, but nothing too too terrible, either. My favorite place to eat in South Bend is Mandarin House, an excellent Chinese place not too far from downtown. I used to live right near it, so we’d eat there on the weekends for lunches sometimes. It’s actually one of the best Chinese places I’ve ever eaten at, so I’m looking forward to living in the Bend again just to be closer to that place!

For wings and bar type food, I love Wings Etc. They’re leaps and bounds better than Buffalo Wild Wings in terms of wing size and the quality of the flavor of the sauces (though BW3 definitely has more of a selection of flavors), and I like the environment. I also love going to the Mishawaka Brewing Company for locally made beer, and the food isn’t too bad either.

There’s a couple good Thai places downtown; Cambodian Thai and Siam Thai; I can’t really choose which one is better! Both rock, to me.

I need to branch out and try more places! I’m attempting to get into Mexican food, so I’ll have to find some places in the area to try. Hopefully I’ll find something I like.

3. Where do you want to take a vacation?
I really want to go to Boston sometime this year. It’s been a long time since I’ve taken a trip to the city, and I want to spend a weekend there this summer hanging out with people I know, wandering around the city, and just in general having a good time. I will be visiting my family sometime in August, but I don’t think I’ll get out to Boston during that trip.

I also want to visit my friend Kelly in New York City this fall. I haven’t been to NYC since 2002, so I’m due to visit. She’ll definitely show me a good time too.

I also want to see the west coast of the United States one of these days. San Francisco seems like a neat place to see, and I’m hoping I can get out there sometime soon. Maybe I’ll go to Oregon sometime too just to check it out.

And, of course, Linda, I want to come visit you in Dallas! I’ve never been to Texas before, and again, I’d love to check it out.

Internationally, I want to see… Canada. Yes, I’ve never been to Canada. I want to go to England again, and one of these days I’d like to see the rest of Europe. Japan would be cool to visit too. One of these days I’ll do a lot of traveling, because there’s a lot of the world I haven’t seen yet.

Today, things are good. Today, I like my life. I’m going out, enjoying my life, seeing new things, meeting new people. I’m looking forward to my future. I played games with a few friends of mine last night, laughed, ate cookies, and drank my signature drink of captain and pomegranite/cranberry juice. I’m knitting, and spinning, and writing every day. I’m figuring things out on my own.

I’m trying to make my life better, trying to live it as much as I can. So far, I’ve been happy with the results.